Taking Risks, Embracing Failure: Empowering Youth through Positive Youth Development

When I first started working with youth who had either ran away from their home or were homeless not of their own volition, I was introduced to the theory of Positive Youth Development (PYD). This framework guided those of us working with young people. The way I learned PYD was by these three tenets:

1. Caring and supportive relationships

2. High expectations

3. Opportunities to participate

As time went on, I really began to understand PYD, like most theories of human behavior, is a little more complicated when working with a specific young person because what they need in that moment may not fit well within a theory.

Years before engaging with this work, I was introduced to the parenting model of Love and Logic (L&L), which states, “Children learn the best lessons when they're given a task and allowed to make their own choices (and fail) when the cost of failure is still small. Children's failures must be coupled with love and empathy from their parents and teachers.” Essentially, if kids fail in a supportive environment, they learn and grow. Conversely, failure in an environment of criticism and disapproval can make kids afraid to try new things and lead to trouble pretty quickly. And so, I leaned heavily on L&L when applying PYD.

Caring and Supportive Relationships

Caring and supportive relationships are critical to a healthy and thriving child. One of the key features of L&L is that when a child fails, parents and teachers must show empathy so that the child sees them as caring, supportive and, most importantly, on the side of the child. We need to genuinely convey to children that we feel as they do. Otherwise, children may become untrusting of us and see us as the problem. Implementing L&L can be challenging. As adults, we often want to be right, in control, all wise. We feel the need to impart our “wisdom” on children and young people. When they don’t follow instructions and fail, we adults tend to feel a sense of satisfaction (I was right!), and young people sense it. This is usually when some adult in their lives will utter the four worst words in our language: “I told you so!” Such words only lead to embarrassment and humiliation. Instead, caring and supportive adults understand that allowing children and youth to face failure on their own, while providing caring support helps them learn and grow. If you’re working with young people, and you find yourself gratified by their mistakes, you better start taking some acting classes so you can fake it until you make it.

High Expectations

We don’t want to think of high expectations as a “you better do it or else” mindset. Instead, we should think of high expectations as believing in their abilities, supporting them, and saying, “I know you can do this.” Young people possess a plethora of skills, talents, strengths, and passions; we should assist them in discovering and nurturing those qualities. We need to help them DISCOVER their strengths, passions, and purpose, DEVELOP their talents and skills, and assist them in CREATING who they want to be. With a bit of support, they can live their dreams.

Meaningful Opportunities to Participate

When discussing opportunities to participate, it is crucial to emphasize “meaningful participation.” What does “meaningful participation" look like? I have found Hart’s Ladder of Participation particularly helpful in this regard. According to Hart, there are eight levels to participation;

1. Child-initiated, shared decisions with adults

2. Child-initiated and directed

3. Adult-initiated, shared decisions children

4. Consulted and Informed

5. Assigned but Informed

6. Tokenism

7. Decoration

8. Manipulation

Hart points out that the last three (6-8) are not real participation at all. When we seek ways to include young people (and we should always strive to do so), we should aim for the highest rung on the ladder as it will result in the most rewarding experience for the young person. However, we must always consider what is best for the young person. Asking them to initiate a project without any support right from the start could lead to a frustrating experience for everyone involved.

There seems to be a lot of headwinds for young people these days with their mental health seemingly worse than any previous generation. Regardless of the reasons behind this, we all need to look out for the children in our lives, whether they are our own children, our children's friends, or other children in our community. By offering caring and supportive relationships, setting high expectations, and providing meaningful opportunities for participation, we can genuinely and significantly impact the lives of our youngest community members.